Where My Story Begins

In 1998, I divorced the love of my life. There was nothing wrong with him, we just had different ideas of what marriage meant. He wanted a stay at home mama who popped out babies and was content staying home to raise them and clean house and cook the meals and give him good lovin' when he said so. ;) I, on the other hand, wanted to be an example for my children. I wanted to teach them that they should never settle, that they could do anything they set their minds to. In teaching them that, I realized that I was not following my own advice.

I wanted to set the world on fire by making all of my dreams come true...of course, at the time, I had no idea what those dreams were. I only knew that I was not happy where I was trying to be something that made someone else happy. 

We tried to part as friends. Things don't always end well, no matter how good the intentions but one thing is for certain: Time Wounds, All Heals. We grew to respect one another and to always remember that we were once crazy in love, in love enough to create two beautiful little souls who deserved the security and happiness of two happy homes. That is...until he found what I deemed to be "Replacement Sonja". Then, all the love, respect and hard work we had put into being a functioning, co-parenting unit went by the wayside. 

Her name was Angelica...or, An-Jelly-butt as I so affectionately referred to her. And she looked like my twin sister...if I had been much younger and taller and more graceful. Turned out that although I didn't want him, I sure the heck never considered what it would feel like when someone else did! I am not proud to admit that I became a, shall we say, "less than savory character"? ;( 

I was mean and nasty and rude and angry. I went out of my way to make them miserable. I was pure evil. I manipulated the children and used them to hurt their father and his new love. I acted like a tyrant and made unreasonable demands, in short I was a total poop head. I was jealous and lonely and scared so I made the decision, day in and day out to live in fear. I used to lie awake at night plotting my revenge and the demise of their relationship! How dare they be all happy and loved up when I was a single mother, all singley and mothery, a damn single-mother! Life was HARD I tell ya....of course, it always seemed to slip my mind that I was a single mother by design. He would have loved me possibly forever. It had been my decision to leave the marriage. I wanted to be free to go out and set the world on fire. I never banked on the fact that once I was out in the big, scary world, that what I would want more than anything else looked an awful lot like what I had walked away from.

Back then, I was too proud.  My ego always taking the lead made me do things that today I am so very ashamed of, like the time he had the audacity to bring HER to OUR daughter's dance recital on MY weekend! Can you imagine???? He brought the woman he loved to watch our 3 year old princess in her first dance recital! What a prick! I showed him! I waltzed right  up to her in front of our children, my former in-laws and about a skillion proud parents of tiny dancers and screamed in her face! I told her she had a lot of nerve showing up on MY weekend to watch MY daughter dance! I cursed her like a mad woman using words that would make a sailor run out of a bar screaming. And you know what she had the gall to say??? Well? Do ya? She said ~ absolutely nothing. She pulled her Jackie 0 sunglasses down the bridge of her big, fat, stupid nose, looked me in the eye and just smiled. THAT BITCH! I did what any lunatic in her right maniacal mind would do...I spit right in her stupid, fat, stupid, face! Then I wailed, "That's what you are!" As if that meant anything... That's where my story begins.

Hindsight is a bitch and so was I. If someone had told me that years down the road, their marriage would end and he would get MS and jump from the 39th floor of a highrise in Las Vegas and that six months later she would be killed in a tragic car crash, I may have acted much, much differently. F You Hindsight. So much to share with my beautiful Next Wives Club. Some good, some bad and some even uglier.

Suffice it to say that Karma has made Hindsight look like a playful little puppy. In 2006, I reconnected with a former neighbor while training at Gold's Gym.  He was going through a really ugly divorce and was so very down in the dumps. The love of his life and wife of 18 years had fallen in love with the mobile car wash fella who came to her house and allegedly waxed more than just her car. You can't help who your heart beats for and it wasn't for her husband any longer. By the time I came on the scene, he was beyond devastated. He is one of those rare breeds, the kind that mate for life and stick to their vows and all that junk. He would have loved her possibly forever but she wanted out, wanted to go set the world on fire.  He needed a friend and I needed a project, being the savior of the universe and all. One thing led to another thing and the thing is...we fell madly, hopelessly, helplessly in love with each other. That didn't seem to set too well with her.

That's where my next story begins...

It's now 2011, and while I have not nor will I ever claim perfection, I am proud to say that I am a work in progress. It is because of my despicable actions towards the next wife of my beloved first husband, along with pretty downright shameful behaviors extended to my new husbands ex-wife that I have decided to stop the insanity! I am starting The Next Wives Club to share my experience, strength and hope with ANY woman, next wife, ex-wife, new wife, or  women in blended families who have ever been as crazy and scared as I have been or has been on the receiving end of seemingly never ending nonsense of other lunatics just like us. It's about being the change you want to see in this world; creating harmony through the solidarity of sisterhood. 

I'm not asking anyone to try to be perfect or to eat the piles of steaming crap that can be served up to us by "less than savory characters" in our lives, just to accept that everything is exactly as it should be. We have zero control of other people, places or things. The only thing we can control is how we choose to act and react.  I am not simply starting a company, it's a movement, to offer support to women in need; A place to vent, to share, to seek advice, offer advice, a place to hang your hat and know that you are not alone. There are no bad wives, just bad behavior! ;) We are all a work in progress. Together, we can progress.

The Next Wives Club is a safe haven of women banding together through a common bond: Wanting to turn negative energy into positive results. Together was can make a difference ~ alone, we can be a human tornado causing pain and destruction to the people who need us the most...namely, the children involved who don't deserve to be put in the middle and used as casualties of war.  I hope you will join me on this leg of my journey. I want to live in love and peace. I deserve that.  I want my children and step children to know how very loved they are and that they always have two happy homes that they are more than welcome in. They deserve that.

I need to start by wholeheartedly apologizing to Angelica for spitting in her face and the other skillion poopy things I did to make her life hard when all she wanted to do was love my ex-husband and be a step mom to my kids .I am so sorry  Angelica, I am so sorry. I wish I had grown up sooner and could have made amends before you were tragically taken from this Earth.

I also want to apologize to Andrea or AnDrama, as I used to refer to her, the ex-wife of my new husband and the three little G's that were caught in the crossfire. I am sorry I hurt your babies with my insidious snarkiness. I am sorry for all the times I lived in fear and allowed you to take up space in my mind RENT free; for all the times I gave you my power and acted like an angry, jealous maniac; for my cruel reactions to your absolute and utter nonsense and narcissistic self-centeredness~(Progress, not perfection)  ;)

I'd also like to thank you both for all the times you acted just as angry and small and nasty and vengeful and afraid. For all the poopy things you have done to harm my spirit and derail my mission to be happy and harmed my children.  I now know your cruel words and hateful actions weren't about me at all, that was your crap. And I'm done eating your crap. I wish you love, happiness and success. As for me, I'm taking my power back. I am the queen of my castle, the owner of my feelings and...say it with me: A true work in progress. ;)

Harmony & Peace,

Mrs. Sonja M. Graff

The Next Wives Club

"It's Never too Late to Live Happily Ever After"