On 8/8/08, I walked down the beach at the Hotel Del Coronado in beautiful San Diego, California. I was arm in arm with my two best-est guy friends, Jake and Patrick who then handed me over to my son, the man of my dreams, light of my life who in turn proudly handed me off to my Superman, the new, additional man of my dreams, light of my life. My daughter served as my Maid of Honor and she looked like a little angel waiting near the alter all smiles ready to perform her M.O.H duties. In the background, Al Green was crooning our wedding song and mantra, “Let’s Stay Together” and we were surrounded by our friends and family for a “toes in the sand” wedding celebration that was nothing short of picture perfect.
We had agreed to write our own vows and the future Mr. Sonja was very nervous. He said he was better at showing love than he was at articulating it. But as we stood there, hand in hand, gazing lovingly into each others eyes, the vows that he delivered still to this day take my breath away…and have come back to haunt him on several occasions.
“Sonja, love of my life,” he started nervously, his Jersey accent more prevalent than usual, “it makes perfect sense to me that you wanted to get married at the ocean because you are so much like the ocean. You are beautiful, mysterious and unpredictable, sometimes so calm and serene then without warning… the perfect storm.” Our guests laughed out loud, knowing exactly what he meant. “The most important thing to understand about the ocean is that while you can appreciate its splendor, try to understand its mystery, be intrigued by its vast greatness, you can never hope to contain, control or try to change it. As I make my vow to be your loving partner for life, I also vow to accept you for who you are. You are like the ocean and I would never try to change you.”
The crowd went wild! ;) I’d done it! I’d found my missin’ piece. Not only is he beautiful inside and out, gracious and giving beyond belief, hardworking, driven, focused, incredibly intelligent and successful, he accepts me just as I am: A hit or miss train wreck on any given day. ;)
My heart was so full of love, pride and gratitude. I felt like all of my dreams had come true. All but one: my wonderful husband-to-be was celebrating what should have been one of the happiest days of his life…without his three children.
I had sent the invitation to their mother's house hoping that she would be adult enough to support us in having the children be present on our day. I have a tendency to give people too much credit. My husband always chastises me for giving everyone an A+ and allowing them to drop from there. He gives everyone an F- and makes them work for his trust. I used to feel sorry for him but have unfortunately learned to understand his way of thinking.
Her response came by way of email (of course...she has never bothered to co-parent in person or by telephone, only through text and email which is another sad shame). She said that because he had "cut her off financially" (meaning her sole source of income was now only child support/alimony, and not being able to spend his hard earned money at will) that she could only afford to take the children on one family vacation per year. Unfortunately for us, her family vacation had been planned and paid for and just so happened to fall on the same weekend of our wedding.
Like kryptonite to Superman, her news devastated us. However, my future husband said that he had expected no less from her. Although we had gone to great lengths to plan our wedding on 8-8-08, I offered to move it in an effort to have his children share in our joy. He laughed at my naivete and told me that no matter what date we picked, she'd have something planned to ensure the kids wouldn't attend.
As I walked down the beach on that glorious day, surrounded by my closest friends and family, my happiness was overshadowed by my future husband's obvious heartache. We laughed and cried, we danced and celebrated but their presence was sorely missed.
It wasn't until the wedding was over and we were back in our honeymoon suite at The Hotel Del Coronado that my new husband shared the most unbelievable news with me. He found out that his children and their mother were in fact enjoying their family vacation......In Del Mar, approximately 20 minutes away.
As he spoke the words, his eyes were wet with tears and my body shook with rage. He got up to go use the bathroom and blow his nose and wash away the heartache he felt from his face. It was at that moment that I took the opportunity to become a "less than savory character". I reached for my cell phone and sent his ex-wife a text message...it was after all her favorite way to communicate. My hand shook as I typed the words, "Today was the most beautiful, amazing day of my life. You are a Cunt. Love, Mrs. Graff." I didn't hesitate for one second. I pushed send and without the least bit of remorse braced myself for the inevitable aftermath.
In retrospect, what I did was incredibly childish and way beneath me, and for that I am very sorry. Hadn't I reigned victorious? I had just had a "toes in the sand" wedding of my dreams to the best man I had ever met; but what she had done to hurt us was so infuriating that at that moment in time, I felt completely vindicated in my childish actions.
It couldn't have been more than 30 seconds before all hell broke loose! My new husband was yelling obscenities from the washroom! "Damn it Sonja!!! What have you done????" I was determined to stand my ground and being high on romance and white wine still felt quite certain that I was completely in the right.
"That bitch just sent me your text to her!" He screamed. "Why did you give her the satisfaction of knowing she had hurt me?" What the???? Hurt him? My entire fairytale wedding had been overshadowed by her malicious act and somehow he was the only person hurt? Why I aughtta....
I raced from the room, my wedding gown and tiara still perfectly in place and hijacked a hotel limo. I found her in Del Mar at her friends house and dragged her from the house by her stupid yellow hair that looked as though she'd stumbled backwards on to a fan and in return walked away with a bad, bad Victoria Beckham-ish haircut. I pulled her on to the front lawn and proceeded to beat the ever livin' snot out of her! I delivered a round-house to her midsection then climbed a nearby fence post like a little monkey and did a Triple Lindy off the post. Although there was a 2.3 degree of difficulty, because of my catlike reflexes, I was able to execute a landing that ended with my knobby little kneecap perfectly compressing her larynx causing her to tap out...all the while...begging for my forgiveness.
OK, that didn't really happen...but oh how I wanted it to!
Bling....went his cell with a follow up text. "Why would your wife send that horrible message to me?" Oh, playing the victim are we??? That will never work! I giggled in spite of myself.
"How could you do that?!" demanded my new husband, her former husband who she very obviously knew how to play like a song she'd written her damn self....her victim act working magic on his sensitive nature.
Bling....went his cell again with yet another plea for protection from Bridezilla! "Our youngest daughter was borrowing my cell phone when her disgusting message came through! Now she wants to know what that word means! I can't believe this is happening!"
REALLY??? Your 12 year old daughter who has a better, smarter, more expensive cell phone than I do just so happened to be borrowing her mother's phone at the moment I sent my nasty-gram? Ha! I doubt it! What a crock of poop! That didn't happen! Besides, the kid lives with that nightmare of a woman, she MUST know the meaning of that word!
Blling...."Daddy, why did your wife send mommy that message? What does that word mean?"
GIVE ME A FREAKIN' BREAK OVER HERE!!!!! COME ON! REALLY????? I was good, but she was just a little more gooder....but in the end, there were no winners. We all lost that day in one way or another.
Suffice it to say, in the battle of good vs. evil...it never pays to be the smaller person! Oh, and for the record, again, I'd like to apologize for my terrible behavior. What I did was downright shameful. If their mother made the awful decision to share my awful message and her children were hurt, I truly am sorry. I can't change the past...the only thing I can offer in my defense is: Whaddya expect? I am like the ocean... ;)
I had sent the invitation to their mother's house hoping that she would be adult enough to support us in having the children be present on our day. I have a tendency to give people too much credit. My husband always chastises me for giving everyone an A+ and allowing them to drop from there. He gives everyone an F- and makes them work for his trust. I used to feel sorry for him but have unfortunately learned to understand his way of thinking.
Her response came by way of email (of course...she has never bothered to co-parent in person or by telephone, only through text and email which is another sad shame). She said that because he had "cut her off financially" (meaning her sole source of income was now only child support/alimony, and not being able to spend his hard earned money at will) that she could only afford to take the children on one family vacation per year. Unfortunately for us, her family vacation had been planned and paid for and just so happened to fall on the same weekend of our wedding.
Like kryptonite to Superman, her news devastated us. However, my future husband said that he had expected no less from her. Although we had gone to great lengths to plan our wedding on 8-8-08, I offered to move it in an effort to have his children share in our joy. He laughed at my naivete and told me that no matter what date we picked, she'd have something planned to ensure the kids wouldn't attend.
As I walked down the beach on that glorious day, surrounded by my closest friends and family, my happiness was overshadowed by my future husband's obvious heartache. We laughed and cried, we danced and celebrated but their presence was sorely missed.
It wasn't until the wedding was over and we were back in our honeymoon suite at The Hotel Del Coronado that my new husband shared the most unbelievable news with me. He found out that his children and their mother were in fact enjoying their family vacation......In Del Mar, approximately 20 minutes away.
As he spoke the words, his eyes were wet with tears and my body shook with rage. He got up to go use the bathroom and blow his nose and wash away the heartache he felt from his face. It was at that moment that I took the opportunity to become a "less than savory character". I reached for my cell phone and sent his ex-wife a text message...it was after all her favorite way to communicate. My hand shook as I typed the words, "Today was the most beautiful, amazing day of my life. You are a Cunt. Love, Mrs. Graff." I didn't hesitate for one second. I pushed send and without the least bit of remorse braced myself for the inevitable aftermath.
In retrospect, what I did was incredibly childish and way beneath me, and for that I am very sorry. Hadn't I reigned victorious? I had just had a "toes in the sand" wedding of my dreams to the best man I had ever met; but what she had done to hurt us was so infuriating that at that moment in time, I felt completely vindicated in my childish actions.
It couldn't have been more than 30 seconds before all hell broke loose! My new husband was yelling obscenities from the washroom! "Damn it Sonja!!! What have you done????" I was determined to stand my ground and being high on romance and white wine still felt quite certain that I was completely in the right.
"That bitch just sent me your text to her!" He screamed. "Why did you give her the satisfaction of knowing she had hurt me?" What the???? Hurt him? My entire fairytale wedding had been overshadowed by her malicious act and somehow he was the only person hurt? Why I aughtta....
I raced from the room, my wedding gown and tiara still perfectly in place and hijacked a hotel limo. I found her in Del Mar at her friends house and dragged her from the house by her stupid yellow hair that looked as though she'd stumbled backwards on to a fan and in return walked away with a bad, bad Victoria Beckham-ish haircut. I pulled her on to the front lawn and proceeded to beat the ever livin' snot out of her! I delivered a round-house to her midsection then climbed a nearby fence post like a little monkey and did a Triple Lindy off the post. Although there was a 2.3 degree of difficulty, because of my catlike reflexes, I was able to execute a landing that ended with my knobby little kneecap perfectly compressing her larynx causing her to tap out...all the while...begging for my forgiveness.
OK, that didn't really happen...but oh how I wanted it to!
Bling....went his cell with a follow up text. "Why would your wife send that horrible message to me?" Oh, playing the victim are we??? That will never work! I giggled in spite of myself.
"How could you do that?!" demanded my new husband, her former husband who she very obviously knew how to play like a song she'd written her damn self....her victim act working magic on his sensitive nature.
Bling....went his cell again with yet another plea for protection from Bridezilla! "Our youngest daughter was borrowing my cell phone when her disgusting message came through! Now she wants to know what that word means! I can't believe this is happening!"
REALLY??? Your 12 year old daughter who has a better, smarter, more expensive cell phone than I do just so happened to be borrowing her mother's phone at the moment I sent my nasty-gram? Ha! I doubt it! What a crock of poop! That didn't happen! Besides, the kid lives with that nightmare of a woman, she MUST know the meaning of that word!
Blling...."Daddy, why did your wife send mommy that message? What does that word mean?"
GIVE ME A FREAKIN' BREAK OVER HERE!!!!! COME ON! REALLY????? I was good, but she was just a little more gooder....but in the end, there were no winners. We all lost that day in one way or another.
Suffice it to say, in the battle of good vs. evil...it never pays to be the smaller person! Oh, and for the record, again, I'd like to apologize for my terrible behavior. What I did was downright shameful. If their mother made the awful decision to share my awful message and her children were hurt, I truly am sorry. I can't change the past...the only thing I can offer in my defense is: Whaddya expect? I am like the ocean... ;)
